This Summer I’m doing a series called ‘Dads Behaving Badly.’ You can read the intro here. We’re learning about our good Heavenly Father through the not-good fathers we find in the Bible.
My final dad might be a surprising one. He’s also one of my OT heroes. It’s David. The man after God’s own heart, full of contradictions. The man who restrained himself from the evil of killing Saul – twice, and in between those events almost destroyed Nabal and all his property because of some bread.
Oh, David.
Incidentally, from what we know, David’s father Jesse seemed to ignore him a bit, but that’s not what I want to focus on right now. It probably didn’t help though.
I don’t know if you’ve got a challenging child, but I’m assuming that none of your children has organised a coup and tried to kill you so that you have to flee for your life. That’s what happened with Absalom. (This was after he murdered his brother for raping his sister. Once again, they make our family dynamics seem positively idyllic.)
David’s life is a bit of an epic narrative but long story short, we end up with a war between Team David and Team Absalom. But when it comes to the crunch, David doesn’t want Absalom to be killed. His men fight bravely for David and for the LORD, but all David seems to care about is Absalom: ‘Is the young man Absalom safe?’ (2 Samuel 18:29;32)
I guess we can sympathise here, but the problem is that Absalom is trying to kill God’s anointed king. Back in 1 Samuel, when King Saul was hounding David, David refused to harm God’s king. As he said himself, “But the Lord forbid that I should lay a hand on the Lord’s anointed.” (1 Samuel 26:11)
But now that David is King, he’s too soft with his own son. He’s lost sight of what’s really important – God’s promises; God’s people; God’s glory – and is focused on one thing: his treacherous son’s safety.
As controversial as it might be to say it: this is child-led parenting at its worst.
This is the very definition of an extreme example. But this kind of parenting is growing in popularity and although it appears kind, gentle and patient it is actually really bad news. If David’s men had followed his orders then Absalom could have ended up in charge of God’s people.
As David should have known, the trouble with putting your child in charge is that it’s not God’s design. Despite our weakness and our faults, God has put us in charge, so we need to honour God’s authority by teaching our children to honour ours.
The world doesn’t acknowledge God’s authority, and so the world is happy to tell us to take the lead from our children. But let David and Absalom be our cautionary tale. I don’t want to end up with a coup in my home.
There’s now a generation of young adults who, in general terms, have been over-indulged and raised to think that they’re in charge. Discipleship will be hard for them because it starts with learning that God is actually the boss, not them. But in the gospel there is hope for them, just as there was hope for David, and Jonah (the spoilt brat), and the apostle Paul (the over-achiever).
As Paul wrote, we have an anointed King who reigns forever and if we keep him at the centre of our families, it will keep the coups at bay:
15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 And he is the head of the body, the church;he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. (Colossians 1)
I will be rounding off this series with a Good Dad. I wonder if you can guess who it is. Tune in next week. If you’re enjoying this series, please share it with your friends. My blog is thus far a very well-kept secret.
Mum in Zone One 