Parenting – Mum in Zone One

He’s good for it

I hope you’ve had a good week. As I write this I have two children and a husband all sick in bed. So it’s one of those cosy-up-and-cancel-everything sort of days.

Speaking of being ill, I don’t know if I told you that last year I travelled to the USA and ended up in hospital on the first day. The long haul flight with a layover in Chicago was too much for my weak body to cope with. I spent 2 to 3 hours in A&E and ended up with bills of around $3000.

Of course, we had travel insurance! So all’s fine, yes?

No.

We spent the next five months trying to wrangle the travel insurance company into reimbursing us for the costs. It was very time consuming! And frustrating, and difficult, and quite sad.

Why so difficult? Here’s the reason: The travel insurance company did not want to give us any money.

I know, it’s shocking isn’t it? Surely that’s their job? Isn’t that why we get insurance? These are questions my children innocently ask. But the truth is, it seems that although they’ve ‘promised’ to cover your medical bills, they don’t actually want to do it. It was with reluctance that they eventually paid us what they owed.

But I’m not really here to complain about that! Nor will I tell you which insurance company it was. What I will say is that sometimes I act like God is that reluctant insurance company. He’s made promises, sure, but he doesn’t want to have to fulfil them. He’s hoping I’ll never need him to. But sadly I need him to bail me out again, and again, and again.

Need forgiveness? Again?
Need strength for today? Again?
Need courage? Again?

Of course, Hallelujah! God is not like an insurance company. Zechariah told us so, while the Saviour was in Mary’s womb:

“Blessed be the Lord God of Israel,
    for he has visited and redeemed his people
⁶⁹and has raised up a horn of salvation for us
    in the house of his servant David,
⁷⁰as he spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets from of old,
⁷¹that we should be saved from our enemies
    and from the hand of all who hate us;
⁷²to show the mercy promised to our fathers
    and to remember his holy covenant,
⁷³the oath that he swore to our father Abraham, to grant us
⁷⁴    that we, being delivered from the hand of our enemies,
might serve him without fear,
⁷⁵    in holiness and righteousness before him all our days. Luke 1:68-75

(I’ve quoted Luke 1 in the ESV, not primarily because it’s Extremely Sound but because this is the version we have memorised thanks to Randall Goodgame at Slugs and Bugs. Memorising Scripture is one of the best things to do in the world and scripture songs make it easy. Thank you, Lord! Amen.)

In verses 70 and 72-3 Zechariah celebrates with JOY the fact that God is keeping his promises. “As he spoke…” “to remember his holy covenant…” “The oath he swore…”

Christmas is about God keeping his promise to save his people. All through Scripture, he’s been promising to do it. And now he’s done it, in a better and more beautiful way than anyone would have asked or imagined.

He doesn’t do things reluctantly. He loves to keep his promises to his people.

So now we can serve him without fear, in holiness and righteousness. We get to do that! Only because he’s saved us.

You can hold God to his promises today. He’s ready and willing!

Last year around Christmas time we were able to celebrate the insurance company finally giving in and giving us $3000. But every Christmas we have something SO MUCH better to celebrate!

So let’s get on with it!

A Life More Ordinary

How’s your November going? This to me is sitcom season. Not a month for watching sitcoms – no time for that! – but rather feeling like I’m starring in one.

You know what I’m talking about. It’s the time of year when at least one of your children seems to need a different item of clothing or a different donation to something or other every couple of days.

I have reminders in my phone and calendar alerts and notes on the fridge to help us all remember who’s supposed to have odd socks on Monday as well as their swimming kit, whose Christmas jumper day is Thursday and whose is Friday, which Christmas fair I’ve signed up for and which gift for the fair I’m supposed to bring in this Friday and is it own clothes day? Or PJs for Children in Need? Or is it a school trip? And whose Christmas performance clashes with somebody’s carol service.

You know. I know you know. My poor husband looks at his phone, bewildered, as more coded messages appear in his digital calendar. (I prefer a paper diary, but needs must. Survival is key and the digital calendar is what enables us to keep our heads above water.)
“What does MUN stand for?”
“Does the bottle tombola have anything to do with me?”
“Why does Thursday AM say ‘socks for prisoners’?”

Anyway, as you can see I’ve had a lot on my mind. I might even describe myself as frazzled. But still, on Sunday morning when someone asks what I did this week, I won’t have a decent answer. I feel like “washing and ironing” or “family logistics” don’t really encapsulate it. Most of it will all be forgotten in a few weeks’ time.

My children probably won’t remember much of this stuff when they’re older. And that’s OK. Life doesn’t have to be remarkable. Most of life is mundane. These things, so hard to keep on top of and remember, are not ground-breaking. Nobody is really going to make a sitcom of my life. It’s just not that interesting.

And do you know what? That’s fine! Most people’s lives are mundane most of the time. But God is faithful. He honours daily faithfulness. He doesn’t need me to break any records or leave a legacy. He just wants me to be faithful, one day at a time.

As you look back over the year, if “all” you’ve done is persevere, then that is wonderful. In a world of influencers and record-breakers, God doesn’t need us to be extraordinary. He’s the extraordinary one.

Look at Ruth, for example. Her life, whilst tragic, was not exactly full of adventure. As a widow, she moved to another country. I suppose that was adventurous. But then she was busy surviving – working in the fields to gather food for herself and her mother-in-law. Ordinary, daily faithfulness. And yet she ended up being in Jesus’ family tree, and being the subject of a whole book of the Bible.

God meets people in the mundane. A world of social media can make us believe that life is supposed to be spectacular all the time, or you’re doing it wrong.

But God has been with me as I’ve done the same school run over three thousand times, and he’ll be with me forever.

Our Christmas can be ordinary. It should be a joyful feast, yes! But it can be unassuming and humble, too. We can offer our celebrations to God, with gratitude in our hearts, and know that He can do whatever he wants with us.

Maybe you will change the world. But most of us won’t. When you look at the Christmas story, it’s full of ordinary people who are overjoyed at the birth of Jesus. Let’s be like them. Plus of course, you never know what God might do with you.

‘The women living there said, “Naomi has a son!” And they named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David.’ Ruth 4.17.

Upside-Down Christmas

Introducing ‘With Heart and Soul and Voice’ by Tim Chester

I know it’s still November, but as the Christmas adverts begin emerging and we see more and more portraits of Christmas on social media – with tips or recipes or wrapping advice or just shameless plugs – I wonder if you feel inspired, or burdened, or envious, or excited?

I hope you’re feeling excited and full of anticipation. But sometimes it’s tempting to feel a little inadequate. Maybe your home doesn’t look like the ones that are so inviting and cosy and joy-filled in the Christmas movies. (Mine doesn’t look like the one pictured above, if anyone is wondering.) Or maybe you can’t afford the gifts your children would really like. Perhaps your children really struggle with their emotions over the Christmas period. Maybe someone in the family is sick this year and you’re not really feeling the joy.

Well as ever, the Lord Jesus has good news for us. In fact, He is the good news. Which means Christmas, too, is good news for us!

I mentioned last week that I enjoy reading an advent devotional each year. This year I’m enjoying Tim Chester’s ‘With Heart and Soul and Voice.’ You can get it here. Here is an encouragement for those of us who are feeling a bit ‘unimpressive’ this November. (Sorry if this idea offends. Maybe I’m the only one who feels unimpressive!)

Mary said “[God my Saviour] has brought rulers down from their thrones/ But has lifted up the humble.”

‘Your church may not look very impressive – but that’s the point! God has chosen the weak and lowly to shame the wise and powerful (1 Corinthians 1:26-29)…
And it can begin in your home. Just as the meals of Jesus were a sign of his upside-down kingdom, so our meals should display the same upside-down grace. Your Christmas can be a little sign of Christ’s coming kingdom as you welcome the lonely and provide for the needy.’ Tim Chester, With Heart and Soul and Voice, p. 33.

In the economy of the Kingdom of God, he can take our meagre, weak-looking efforts and do something with them that lasts into eternity. If we serve our families and others with humility, offering it all up to Christ, he will be honoured. We need to see this with eyes of faith.

How wonderfully refreshing it is to know that the coming of Christ was the start of this new topsy-turvy Kingdom, where the poor and the simple are honoured and made wise. As we go into advent trying to serve others and honour the Lord, he can do more with our work than we can possibly ask or imagine. No wonder Mary sang!

More about the book:

The book goes through four songs found in the Bible and also quotes the traditional hymns inspired by them. They are as follows – I’ve included links to my favourite Christmas songs based on these Bible passages:

Mary’s Song (The Magnificat)
Zechariah’s Song (The Benedictus)
The Angels’ Song (The Gloria)
Simeon’s Song (The Nunc Dimittis) – I don’t have a fun version of this to share with you, but my daughter did sing the Nunc Dimittis earlier this year with her choir at St Paul’s Cathedral in London at Evensong. Up until then I’d never heard of it and I still think Nunc is kind of a funny word. But at least now I (and you) can nod knowingly if anyone brings it up over Christmas! (You never know.)

Here’s the link for the book again. Have a blessed day!

It’s worth doing badly

I don’t know how you are with housework. I’m not very good at it. My gifts lie elsewhere. (Don’t worry, I still do it.)

One issue I have is that I’m (internally) a bit of a perfectionist. This is a paradox. I feel like if I’m going to clean, it needs to be done properly. It needs to be done well. And frankly I don’t have time for that right now. So I don’t do it.

It’s not just me. I’ve definitely read that this is an issue for other people (maybe Dana White for one?). Some people live in mountains of clutter because they feel like 10 mins of decluttering just won’t be enough. So they never do any.

If I’m going to clean my bathroom, I can’t just wipe around everything with an antibacterial wipe. No. I need to empty the room, sweep and mop, get the Cif out and give everything a scrub. So if I don’t have time for that, it can go weeks without any TLC. Whereas, rationally speaking, an antibacterial wipe down would be better than nothing.

This is why I believe that, very often, if a job’s worth doing then it’s worth doing badly. That’s if for some reason you can’t do it well. Maybe you’ve just had a baby, or you’re unwell, or it’s June and things are getting crazy. (If you’re in the USA, I think May is your equivalent of our June/July mayhem. Sadly Junehem isn’t a word.)

But I’m not here to tell you how to clean. We’ve got more important things to discuss.

Sometimes that same feeling of perfectionism stops us from reading our Bible or praying. It’s not just perfectionism, but there’s also a voice whispering to us that anything less than perfect will not be enough.

You can’t pray on your walk back from the school drop-off. That’s not good enough. You’ll be distracted.
You can’t read the Bible for three minutes on your phone will you’re waiting for the bath to fill up. You need to devote much longer to it, and do it in a peaceful, calm space.
You can’t just listen to a sermon while you’re ironing. You have to focus.

These thoughts that come to us, that stop us from praying, reading or listening, are not from the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is not the accuser. That’s what Satan’s name means. He’s the one who accuses. And he really does not want us to read our Bibles.

Speaking to and hearing from our God is the best thing we can do today. And if we can’t do it well, we should do it badly. Ideally we would do it well, but for now we could at least just do something. If my Bible time today is the equivalent of an antibac wipe around the basin, it’s better than the nothing I might have done yesterday. And (like the wipe) it will do enough good so that my family will benefit from it.

So when things are getting a little hot under the collar this month, let’s defy Satan and lock ourselves in the toilet and pray.

I’m grateful to Paul and Penny Dawson for their wise counsel, which led me to write this post.

I don’t work Mondays

This morning my son asked me, “Do you work Mondays?”

He asked because I work at his school and he wanted me to carry something into school for him. I had to disappoint him today because I don’t work Mondays. I work 3 days a week at the school.

I don’t know about you but the summer mornings before school are even busier than usual. Here’s what my morning looked like:

My eldest needed ingredients for a cookery lesson so as well as getting the usual lunches ready I was also busy measuring out flour into a freezer bag and wrapping up a single egg in an egg box. (I did ask her if the school had considered buying a dozen eggs and asking everyone to bring in 5op, rather than getting 12 girls to each bring in a single egg. What could she say? She’s not in charge.) Thankfully she is organised so had already gone and bought the tomatoes and grated cheese she needed. Legend.

The aforementioned son has a cricket match this afternoon so as well as reminding him to have his lanyard on and telling him where his tie was I prepared a box of food for him so he doesn’t arrive home absolutely ravenous. I then tried to smear a bit of suncream on him and checked he had a cap and called after him (through the entryphone, like a madwoman) to check he had water with him. I then phoned him when he was on the bus to double check he did actually have water and wasn’t just saying that so I’d let him leave and he wouldn’t be late. (His match is about an hour’s drive away and I’m still waiting to hear if he’ll be brought back to school or whether I need to go and collect him. Eek.)

My younger son is doing ‘bikeability training’ this week so needed to cycle to school. In theory this is no bother but when I asked him when he’d last ridden his bike he said ‘that place we went when it was Martha’s birthday’ (Centerparcs), which was in the Easter holidays so his dad had to go out and check his tyres and do whatever other mysterious things need to be done to bikes before you can go anywhere. He also needed his swimming kit which was in the wash so we had to gather together a spare set. Not a big deal. So far it’s 8.03 and things are going OK. Between cycling and swimming I’m not sure he’s going to do much English today but I’m happy for him.

This was also the morning when, in preparation for the school fair, we needed to take in prizes for the tombola, i.e. toys/games that children would like to win. We have a different school fair offering each week at the moment. Last week it was a cup of sweets. The first year this whole situation caught me out but now I see it coming round the corner and am quite prepared. Remembering to take the things in that I’ve bought feels like the real achievement, especially when I was having to remember the bike helmet and the swimming and the flour and eggs and the water and suncream mentioned above. (Please, please never assume a parent is forgetful when they forget something!)

In between these activities I was merrily putting loads of washing in because while the sunshine may give my son sunstroke today, it will also dry my washing. Which for a mother of four, is such a treat. And I was also running a small cafe – making porridge, sunny-side-up-well-done-please-eggs on toast, peanut butter sandwiches (not toasted) and jam on toast. Some would argue that I should just dump some Weetabix down and tell everyone to be grateful, and I would find it hard to argue with them.

I say all these things not to moan. I actually love being at home and being able to get everything ready for my children. I want them to have what they need. Plus I have energy in the morning. (This evening, when we have boxing club, drama club, piano lessons and a possible drive to Teddington to collect a dehydrated cricketer, I may struggle.) I say this for two reasons:

Perhaps you had a similar morning and it’s nice to know you’re not the only one. Keep going. Your children are blessed and it’s not too long now till the holidays.
Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that I do work Mondays, after all.

How about you? Do you work Mondays?

True and Proper.

This weekend Mum in Zone One is 10 Years old! Thank you to those faithful readers who have been with me since the beginning – and to those we’ve picked up along the way! Please do tell your friends about it if you think they’d be encouraged.

The reason I started this blog was to encourage people – mums in particular – and to share real life and perhaps sometimes make you laugh. I wanted to lift up our eyes to Jesus in the midst of all the crumbs and chaos of parenting littlies. My second post, (10 yrs ago minus a week) was ‘Push, Push, Glide‘ about my daughter’s 4th Birthday. It seems funny to me now that the 4th Birthday of my eldest felt like such a milestone – but I know it really was.

Now of course, she’s 14. Soon I’ll have 2 teenagers. If you have a spread of ages in your household you’ll know that this means I get woken up before 7am by a bright-eyed tot and am still up late in the evening, sipping hot chocolate and talking to a wide-awake, suddenly-ready-to-talk teen. It’s an incalculable blessing. This lifestyle also requires me to spend myself for others in ways that don’t always seem reasonable! Do you ever just lean against a wall for a minute and wonder if someone could make you a cup of tea?

I recently read a great little book called ‘Sacrifice‘ by Simon Guillebaud. It’s very short – I read it in two sittings: one on the Victoria line (which is competing for the noisiest tube line in a field of strong contenders) and one in a soft play area (um – yeah). In summary I’d say it’s a massive kick up the backside for a self-care-giving generation. (I’m really holding back in my description here; you can fill in the blanks I’m sure.)

The book focuses on this verse from Romans 12:

Therefore I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your true and proper worship.
Romans 12:1

I wonder if people often think of worship as something glamorous and public – hands raised, heart abandoned etc. But if we mention ‘sacrifice’, I think everyone knows that as something hard. Hard, but glorious. In the UK we’ve just observed Remembrance Day, when we remember those who’ve fought for our freedom in conflicts – many of whom have offered their lives in sacrifice for ours. We know that sacrifice is not easy and it’s selfless. That’s why we remember them.

God, our most loving Heavenly Father, tells us that offering our bodies as a living sacrifice is our act of worship. So we’re not worshipping God if we’re not offering ourselves. And if we are offering ourselves freely to Him and to others, this pleases Him. When we set aside what we want and live for others, in order to honour God, then he is honoured.

So it’s worth it. It’s worth the late nights and early mornings, the driving around on a Friday night when you’d rather be on the sofa watching ‘All Creatures Great and Small.’ It’s worth wiping down the table and sweeping up the crumbs, knowing you’ll have to do it again in a few hours. It’s worth the meal prep, the uniform scrabbling, keeping up with the school newsletters, the Bible crafts, the 2am Calpol administration, the unfathomable laundry. It’s worth standing on the sidelines in the freezing cold and the discipline and the gift wrapping and the list making. If we offer these things to our families and to God with joy and a thankful heart, we’re spending ourselves on what really, really matters. It’s not waste. We’re investing our time, energy, all our resources, by offering them to the One who really deserves to be honoured and, in His mercy, can really bring fruit from all of this.

We won’t get everything we want. Then it wouldn’t be sacrifice. Guillebaud put it like this:

‘Our verse tells us that we are to be ‘holy and pleasing to God.’ The issue is full, undivided consecration, which means being dedicated, set apart for God. It involves surrendering our disappointments, hurts and fears, our longings, dreams and aspirations, our finances, health and hobbies, our family, friends, the lot… Holiness encompasses everything.’ p. 30.

Over the years I’ve lived in Chelsea, I’ve had to let go of some of my dreams. I’ve had to trust God and be willing to obey him. I’ve been disappointed. I’ve longed for things I wasn’t allowed to have. But even for that, I’m grateful. Idols give us what we want – for a short time. Because idols don’t love us. They’re like an unkind parent who leaves their child in front of a screen all day and lets them eat sweets until their teeth fall out. But not my Father. My Father loves me. He has set boundaries. He tells me ‘no.’ I dread to think where I’d be now if he’d given me what I wanted.

So let’s keep going. Let’s rejoice in the unseen ways we can serve others, offering it all up to God as our true and proper worship. Let’s trust God more than what our eyes can see. Let’s make our own cups of tea and be cheerful about it.

(If you’d like to hear a podcast episode on the topic of worship, featuring my husband Mike and myself, you can find it here or search for Delight Podcast Episode 12.)