Mum in Zone One

Bible Overview Advent Calendar

Hello, last year I posted this advent calendar which Rachel (the ‘If only I could turn back time’ mum) created with her husband. If you’d like the file I can email it to you. It’s a great way to get your children excited about God’s super-duper rescue plan this Christmas.

Mum in Zone One

Well isn’t this the most festive sight you ever did see? No?

I know it’s doesn’t look great but please don’t be put off by the beige/white combo and the peeling paint which I’m trying unsuccessfully to hide! It’s actually completely marvellous!

This is an advent calendar for young children, which my wonderful friends created and have kindly given to me. Each day you turn over the relevant day to reveal a picture (see the second photo), look at a Bible story together, maybe do a song and colour in the picture. Eventually your children will have built up their own colourful Bible overview! Brilliant!

If you would like to do this with your children, I can email you the teaching guide and the sheets for each day. You will need: A functioning printer or access to one; some string (unless you choose to do it some other way –…

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Just for Fun

I wrote this piece for a writing competition a few months ago, and since I didn’t win I thought I’d share it here. I wrote it in a hurry (I missed the deadline) and the word count was very limiting, but I hope it makes you smile. This is based on a friend’s experience, but it could eeeeasily have been my own. I thank her for letting me share it.

Dear former self,

The next time you see a sight you disapprove of, for example a mother in an otherwise civilised coffee shop with two naked and screaming children, consider this:

This mother may have had a horrendous morning with her two-year-old. A tantrum at home, screaming in the buggy around the shops, rounded off with a tantrum in the aisle of a supermarket, for example. At this stage, the mother was feeling unusually exhausted (she hasn’t had a night of unbroken sleep in 6 months) and guilty – perhaps this is all her fault? (Don’t underestimate the irrational doubts of a sleep-deprived, hormonal mother.)

So, in one of her finer moments, this mother perhaps decided to take a deep breath and cheer the family up. She marched into a cafe and ordered her usual cappuccino (extra shot), and a gingerbread man for her daughter. Feeling much calmer – it’s a fresh start! – she reached down to pick up her baby, seeing something familiar but unexpected. Poo, it seems, was everywhere. Her heart dropped. But she’d been through this before; she could cope with this. Off she went to the baby changing room, hungry two-year-old in tow.

Upon her return, maybe (I’m just speculating), she was touched to find that the kind barista had made her a fresh cup of hot coffee. So she found a table, avoiding glances/glares from other diners who seemed concerned that their peace was about to be disturbed.

She was now holding her baby, but the toddler was struggling with her gingerbread man packet. In an attempt to stem any whining, the mother did something that she knows she shouldn’t do. She put the baby down on the table while she hurriedly opened the packet. It took her three seconds – just long enough for the baby to grab the freshly brewed, steaming hot cappuccino (extra shot). Cue a tidal wave of coffee, covering both toddler and baby in the blink of a bloodshot eye. Before the mother could know what had happened, both of her children were emitting an ear-splitting screech. The mother, in a panic, did the only sensible thing: she stripped both children naked.

It could be that this is what’s happened. So, past-naïve or future-forgetful self, please don’t stare judgmentally. Please do not offer suggestions as to why either child may be crying; do not explain why what the mother did was wrong. Just say these words, ‘How can I help?’ and do something helpful. It might be to go and get that mother a chocolate brownie and a fresh cappuccino – two extra shots please, to take away.

If I Could Turn Back Time

I am really delighted to give you this post from a guest blogger, Rachel. I’d love to tell you all about her, but I’d end up gushing and she wouldn’t like that. So just a brief intro: Rachel is married to a pastor and they planted a church in Central London about four years ago. They have four children, aged 6yrs, 5yrs, 3yrs and 8 months. When she talks, I listen, so if I were you I’d read this and take note! Thank you Rachel!

I was on the way to school recently when my eldest daughter realised she had left something at home. She had wanted to take it in to show the class. I explained that we couldn’t go back or we’d be late. I could bring it in when I picked her up later, ready for tomorrow. She wasn’t satisfied. Her frustration grew and she became more and more upset. At the same time my calm, controlled voice gradually became more and more frustrated. I started to snap remarks like: ‘There’s nothing I can do, so there’s no point crying about it,’ and ‘I can’t change what has happened, we need to move on.’

About half an hour later, on my way back from school, I found myself dwelling on something that had happened at the school gate. I’d had a conversation I was frustrated about, I wished I had said something different. I was going over and over it in my mind, thinking about what I should have said and how I wished I could turn back time. And then I realised. I was doing exactly what my daughter had been doing earlier. I wasn’t crying and sticking out my bottom lip, but I was letting the situation take over my thoughts and control my emotions. And in my mind, I was asking for the impossible. To turn back time.

That situation has highlighted something for me. I’ve realised that recently I have often been frustrated about the relatively small practicalities of my day – whether I have made the right decisions and how plans have worked out. It might be regret over how a conversation went. Or it might be that I question how I decided to spend the morning with my children and whether it was the best thing to do. Did I make the right call in going to that playgroup, or should I have had a quiet morning at home, perhaps even attempted some housework. I might try to meet up with a friend and it doesn’t work out, so then I rebuke myself that I should have just tried to see someone else all along.

There’s no doubt that there is a place for good planning, and that we can learn from our mistakes. There is of course a place for prayerful reflection on our use of time. But I know that for me, once decisions have been made and the day is underway, there can be unhelpful thoughts that just niggle in my mind all day as I replay situations. I can feel like I’ve just made a series of bad decisions. It also means I often miss out on actually making the most of the situation I’m in. I’m basically just dwelling on the past.

Thankfully all of this thinking (!) has also taken me outside of my own thoughts and there are a couple of things I have been trying to remember (which are basically the same thing). There is one Bible verse that has been particularly helpful:

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

Firstly, God is in control. This is a simple truth that I know in my head, but clearly it doesn’t always affect how I view what has happened to me in my day. But I need to remember that from the moment I wake up God knows what is going to happen. He knows the way I’m going to walk and who I’m going to meet and what they want to talk about. He knows how a well-planned family activity is going to turn out. He knows who is going to stick to an arrangement to meet up or who is going to be in when I knock or call.

Secondly, I’m not in control. When it feels like my plan for the day has gone wrong, it just reveals that I’m clearly not in control. It should humble me. God has a plan and this is it. He has established my steps. Just like my daughter couldn’t go home and get her foam flowers, I can’t go back and change the past, this is where God wants me to be. Move on! I need to have confidence in God’s plan, not my own.

What does all this mean for my day?

I’ve found it’s helped me to enjoy the day more! I’ve been trying to specifically commit the day to God and express to Him in prayer that I know he is in control. This has helped me to then naturally go on and ask him to use my day for his glory, and specifically to use me the way he wants, in the situations he has planned.

It helps when things go ‘wrong’ as the truth that God is in control is already on my mind. When I start to get frustrated by the way things are turning out, I try to turn my niggling thoughts into prayer, and this quickly brings me back to the simple truth again.

As I’ve prayed these prayers more often I’ve seen more answers (funny that)! I’ve ‘bumped’ into people I have wanted to see for ages. I’ve enjoyed reading a book with my son at home when I was supposed to be meeting a friend that morning who didn’t show.

As I’ve thought through this one little area of my everyday life, I’ve been reminded again that when I turn my thoughts away from myself and onto God, he humbles me and gives me many reasons to thank Him.

If you’d like to leave a comment, please click on the speech bubble in the top right hand corner of this post.

Happy Birthday Mum in Zone One

Thanks for reading, I hope you’ve found encouragement on these here pages over the past year. With love in Christ, Catherine.

The Bigger Gingerbread Man

This was Mum in Zone One’s first post – one year ago today. It’s short and sweet (no pun intended). Enjoy.

Mum in Zone One

On the way to my daughter Miriam’s nursery there is a bakery which sells, amongst other things, gingerbread men. There are small gingerbread men for 40p, and large gingerbread men (or even butterflies) for £1.

One day, probably about a year ago now, I bought my two children a small gingerbread man each. What a treat. They’d been past that bakery a hundred times and had never asked me to buy them anything. I love giving the children a little treat – a surprise that they really appreciate.

Since then, I’ve bought the children gingerbread men/butterflies several times from the same bakery. Recently when Miriam had her pre-school booster jabs I let her choose whichever one she wanted as a special treat to cheer her up.

A few weeks ago, when I picked Miriam up from nursery I told her we could go and get a small (40p) gingerbread man. …

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A Nasty Word (Comparisons Part 2)

Another reblog, following yesterday’s ‘Comparisons Part 1.’ One more tomorrow and then I’m done! Again, I think as parents we need to keep relearning this. I certainly do.

Mum in Zone One

Duvet in the kitchen – I bet this never happens in so-and-so’s kitchen!

I wrote a few posts ago about comparisons: comparing myself to people around me in order to make myself feel good, aka pride. But there’s also another type of comparison which also escalated to a new level when I became a mum. I compare myself to people who I think are better than me, or better off than me. This makes me feel insecure, anxious and, self-pitying. I don’t mean my many friends who are more patient, kind or God-dependent than me – they’re my godly role-models. I can thank God for what I see in them, and ask Him to make me more like that. If I’m honest, what bothers me more is the other stuff – the mum whose house is spick-and-span; the mum who’s thin three weeks post-birth; the mum who remains serene whilst…

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Let’s Raise the Bar (Comparisons Part 1)

I’ve been looking through previous posts, and wanted to share this with you again. It’s very much inspired by Sophie De Witt’s book, Compared to Her (see Good Reads). It’s quite long, but hopefully helpful and I know it’s so relevant to parents! I need to keep reminding myself of these things over and over and over.

Mum in Zone One

Comparing washing piles – Ezra wins.
Guess who’s a 2-yr-old boy?

I’ve learnt a lot recently about comparisons. Part of our nature is that we compare ourselves to other people. One big problem with this is that we become complacent about our sin – if we believe we’re sinners at all. If we’re Christians, we know we are sinful, but on a day-to-day basis we often slip into the habit of looking around and thinking with a nod, ‘Yeah, I’m doing alright!’

It strikes me that nowhere is this more prevalent than in the world of parenting. Even before your baby is born, you start to compare yourself/the baby/the pregnancy with others. Some of this is just to check that everything’s normal – but not all of it.

Let me give you a few examples, in case you’re not so sure. Let’s take the topic of your child’s eating habits. …

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Dear New Mum

Here is a letter to my lovely friend Charlie, who is about to give birth any day now. It’s a bit honest, but I hope you like it. It seems wonderfully appropriate, one year on from writing about my own struggles with my first newborn (Push, Push, Glide), to post this here.

Dear Charlie,

I’m sitting in a café (had free coffee voucher – bargain!) and a lady next to me has a teeeeeeny tiny baby! He is very cute and drunk on milk. Everyone is gazing at him. Mum is probably exhausted and wondering when the baby will next need feeding. I’ve found that there’s a big old difference between actual motherhood, and motherhood from the outside looking in.

You’re about to have your first baby! You know that already. I’d love to give you loads of advice and tips. I’m sure all of your mum-friends will want to help and give you their opinion on what’s going on. My first tip would be to ask for advice if and when you need it, but if you haven’t asked perhaps put on some sort of mental filter! And then even when you’ve asked, don’t feel you have to do what people tell you. One thing I’ve learnt from reading many, many books about parenting and having many more conversations about parenting, is that babies are all different. And mums are different, as you’ll know. You’re unique, as is your family, so not everything that works for others will work for you.

You’re about to enter a world of contradictions. The baby is completely weak and vulnerable – frighteningly so – and yet has the power to make you giddy with joy one minute, and crushingly disappointed the next. Things you know are small and relatively insignificant become paralysingly huge: Why hasn’t he burped yet? How long has she been asleep? How many clean vests will I need to take with me? What does that face mean? When should his teeth come through? Which brand of bottle/travel cot/car seat (and how do we assemble any of these things)?

Conversations with your husband undergo a complete transformation. Things I thought I’d never hear Mike say, and then did:
‘We need to assign a cupboard in the kitchen just for the bottles and sterilising equipment.’
‘The ideal situation would be this: Wherever you are in the flat, you can turn around and find a clean muslin.’
And then there was the song he made up encouraging a constipated Miriam to do a poo. (It was to the tune of the South African national anthem.)

Life will change. You know what’s about to hit you, but actually you won’t know what’s hit you.

How is any of this useful? Well, I was pondering these things and wondering what the best advice for you would be, and here is what I came up with (except I didn’t come up with it at all):

One of [the Pharisees], an expert in the law, tested him with this question:
Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’
Jesus replied: ‘“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbour as yourself.”
All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’ (Matt 22)

When you can’t remember what day it is, who just visited you or when you last had a shower (top tip: do have a shower!), hopefully you’ll be able to remember these two commandments.

When things seem huge, especially in the middle of the night (when sleep is short and truth is needed*), it’s vital to remember the wonderful truth that the Lord is God. The world revolves around him, not me or my baby. When we’ve lost all perspective, let’s remind ourselves what we know to be true.

I remember Mike finding me in a heap on the floor at the end of the day because acid-reflux Ezra had cried for too long. At that moment, it was hard to remember that God is big. It was hard to believe that one day I wouldn’t be sad about that anymore. It sounds silly now! But emotions are powerful. So when you’re finding it hard to look beyond you and your baby, try dwelling on the Lord your God, and worshipping him (Psalm 27: 4 is good. And stick a worship CD on!).

So onto that second commandment. You may find that your baby teaches you how to love someone else as yourself. It’s certainly true that motherhood is a great lesson in sacrificial love. What a blessing. But I also want to encourage you to keep loving others, especially as your baby’s demands seem overwhelming. In Babywise one of the many parenting books I’ve read, I remember it saying that when we become mothers we don’t stop being wives/daughters/sisters/friends. That’s not the advice you’ll hear everywhere, and that’s why it’s so important to hear.

I don’t mean to pressure you – “Don’t you know that a 3 day old baby doesn’t get you out of the church baking rota?” No I don’t mean that. But by God’s grace you’ll be able to show concern for others and pray for them, check how they’re doing and even offer to help them. And in doing this, you also will be blessed. Sharing joys and sorrows with your friends and family will help you to see your own issues with a bit more perspective. (I recently said to a friend who’d been in a horrific car accident, ‘Will you pray for me? You’re not the only one with problems!’ I truly am a wonderful friend to have around! Do you miss me?)

And we need grace, grace, grace:

Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin.
But now apart from the law the righteousness of God has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. Romans 3:20-21

Every day of being a parent, you will be conscious of your sin and your need of a saviour – at least I hope so. And in Christ, you have the righteousness of God. So keep asking for his help – he’s listening! Don’t expect to know what you’re doing, or be any good at it! And that’s all good. Your child needs to see that Mum and Dad need Jesus.

So in summary, it’s going to be hard, remember the world doesn’t revolve around you, and remember you’re absolutely hopeless without the grace of God! There, I intended to encourage you and I feel my work here is done!

Heaps of love,

Cat. X

*That was a quote from my lovely friend Katy, who sent me worship CDs to listen to during the night feeds with Ezra. Amazing. Now I’ve told you that, I suppose I’ll have to send you some! 🙂

p.s. Love you, I think you’re going to do a great job! (Probably should have led with that.)

Keep the Faith

Hello there! I’m pleased to announce that this week I will be sending out not just three, but four copies of Keep the Faith to four lovely mums! (I told you, you should have entered!) Hopefully this news will go some way to alleviating that Sunday night feeling for the mums in question.

For those of you who missed the giveaway boat for whatever reason, do not fear! Whack it on your Christmas list or why not treat yourself? It’s available at The Good Book Company, Matthias Media, 10ofThose and, inevitably, Amazon! Enjoy.

Book Giveaway! Keep the Faith

Dear all, I am excited.

Mum in Zone One‘s Birthday is coming up, so it’s gift time. We are giving away three copies of Keep the Faith by Martin Ayers. I asked my beautiful sister, Ta, to write a review of this book for you, since I know she found it really useful and encouraging. I could have written a review myself, because I too found it very helpful, but the author is my (biological) brother, so I thought it would be too biased! So don’t take it from me, take it from Ta (who is not my biological sister. Nobody calls their children Martin, Catherine and Ta. That would be crazy.)

So, if you would like to receive a free copy of this unique and excellent book, please comment below (click on the little speech bubble, top right) and I will draw names out of a hat (or maybe a stacking cup) on Saturday. Two, no four, no five things to point out:

1. Entering this competition is not an admission of being crippled with doubts (although that is nothing to be ashamed of either)! It’s a great book for any Christian to read!
2. I’m really sorry but I can only send copies out to UK addresses. Perhaps in the future we will have an international giveaway!
3. Between you and me, your chances are pretty good. Not very many people read my blog. And of those that do, many are my friends who I know already have a copy of this book!
4. Remember to share this link if you know anyone else who might like a free book on how to doubt your doubts!
5. One year in, I think I’ve finally figured out how to allow comments on the bottom of a blog post! (We’re very professional here.)

Thank you for entering! And thank you, Ta, for the review! (She says she’s not good at this sort of thing, but I think you will disagree.)

Book Review: Martin Ayers, Keep the Faith

“I am a doubter by nature. A disbeliever; a second guesser.

And, of course, this painfully carries true into my Christian faith.

Doubt isn’t dissimilar to pain. It might just be a little infrequent niggle, but it also has the power to overwhelm and shake us violently. Or numb us into resignation. Either way, it is very real.

And whether we acknowledge it or not, doubt saturates the air we breathe.

But, rather than letting our faith be suffocated, may I recommend this book to you? Of course, it isn’t going to magically fix all of our issues of doubt in one sitting, however well-penned, but it does offer succinct, sympathetic support on how we might tackle the issue.

Martin Ayers explores what the Bible itself says on the matter, dissecting doubt at its root, by taking us back to “The Fall”. He shows that objectivity is really an impossibility – despite what the current trendy philosophies of “relativism”, “secularism” and “atheism” would have us believe.

We are truth suppressors. God rejectors. This is not due to a lack of evidence or intellectual ability. In fact, faith and doubt are not primarily issues of intellect, reason or science. Faith and doubt are spiritual issues, and it is only God’s gracious revelation that allows us to see things as He does.

Perhaps it is time we doubted our doubts and shifted our thinking. The stakes are indeed high, no less than a matter of life and death.

In the face of doubt, Martin Ayers delves into the Bible. Yes, reading the Bible in the face of doubt is counter-intuitive and, frankly, down-right hard. But persevere, and you may be surprised to find reassurance in the consistency of God’s Word.

So don’t shy away. Let this book guide you to the Bible. No amount of doubt, disbelief or scepticism can weaken or break any of God’s truth or promises.”

(Incidentally, if you’d like to hear Ta’s deeply moving testimony, please find it here.)