The (Indian) Summer Series Finale

Dear readers, I’m very aware that I left you hanging with my summer series about Dads Behaving Badly. I fully intended to end with a flourish but instead l just vanished from public view. (If you do not care about my pre-amble, feel free to scroll down to the heading ‘Father of Mercies.’)

I remember I’d planned to write my final blog post the day before it was due to be posted, because I had to spend an entire day in hospital and assumed that this would afford me ample time. However, it turns out that being in a hospital ward with various goings-on around you and having your blood drawn repeatedly does not in fact get you in the right frame of mind for a good old blog-writing session.

Then I went to France on holiday and thought ‘surely I’ll do it then.’ But we didn’t take the laptop and our iPad screen is smashed so that if you’re not careful you get a sliced finger so I didn’t risk it there. Also it was very hot and I was enjoying reading Dane Ortlund’s Gentle and Lowly, which turned out to be very much applicable to my blog post. (I did also read Bring Up the Bodies which I’d been meaning to read for about 8 years.) Incidentally, we had a lovely time but I got about 200 mosquito bites (more blood drawn!) while my husband got zero. Does every married couple have a mosquito-immune and a very-much-not-immune party?

Then it was the beginning of term, i.e. the mad rush to purchase and label bits and bobs and to work out the new weekly schedule – and the unwelcome surprises that come when you’ve failed at one or both of those things. Despite my years of experience I still had to queue at the school uniform shop the day before term started. And as we continue with scheduling malfunctions I’m very grateful to live in the city where my children can just bus themselves around the place and not rely on my taxi services.

But anyway, God is faithful and as a Calvinist I believe that this is the very day He planned for me to write this post, which I humbly pray will bless you today by glorifying Him.

Father of Mercies

We’ve looked at dads behaving badly in the Old Testament. I hope that as we look at them we can be encouraged that God is not like that, and also that God really does save wretched sinners like Jacob – and me.

One of my favourite dads in the New Testament is Jairus, who comes to Jesus begging for help when his daughter is close to death:

23 He pleaded earnestly with him, “My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live.”24 So Jesus went with him.

A large crowd followed and pressed around him. 25 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26 She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. 27 When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28 because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” 29 Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

30 At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?”

31 “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ ”

32 But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. 33 Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. 34 He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” (Mark 5)

Jesus here draws a suffering, outcast woman into the centre of the crowd so that he can give her much, much more than she’d ever hoped for. She was desperate to be healed, but she came away with peace as well: the peace of a restored relationship with her maker.

And as he’s standing there next to Jairus, who’d do anything for his little girl, what does Jesus call the woman? ‘Daughter.’ Because as good a father as Jairus is, he’s just a faint shadow of the type of father Jesus is. Jesus would do anything for this woman.

Jairus was willing to humble himself to get help for his daughter. Jesus humbled himself to death, even death on a cross!

I know that Jesus is not God the Father, and yet here he calls her daughter. (He’s also called ‘Everlasting Father’ in Isaiah 9v6.) And he shows us exactly what God the Father is like:

‘In [Jesus Christ] we see heaven’t eternal heart walking around on two legs in time and space. When we see the heart of Christ, then, throughout the four Gospels, we are seeing the very compassion and tenderness of who God himself most deeply is.’ Dane Ortlund, Gentle and Lowly, p.133.

What kind of a Father do you have? What kind of a Father can we introduce people to – even those who have no earthly father? He is one who sees the needy and fills them; who touches the ‘unclean’ and makes them clean. He doesn’t just want to heal you; he wants to forgive your sins and give you everlasting life. He became unclean for us. He became sin for us. He was abandoned by his Father on the cross so that we never will be. He died and was raised so that he could raise us from the dead. We get a picture of that with Jairus’ daughter whom he woke from death with a gentle word:

He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). 42 Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old). (Mark 5)

So going back to how I began back in July, thinking about those who don’t have a dad: there is such hope in the gospel for this world:

‘Some of us had great dads growing up. Others of us were horribly mistreated or abandoned by them. Whatever the case, the good in our earthly dad is a faint pointer to the true goodness of our heavenly Father, and the bad in our earthly dads is the photo negative of who our heavenly Father is. He is the Father of whom every human father is a shadow.’ ‘Gentle and Lowly’ p. 132.

Dads Behaving Badly – David

This Summer I’m doing a series called ‘Dads Behaving Badly.’ You can read the intro here. We’re learning about our good Heavenly Father through the not-good fathers we find in the Bible.

My final dad might be a surprising one. He’s also one of my OT heroes. It’s David. The man after God’s own heart, full of contradictions. The man who restrained himself from the evil of killing Saul – twice, and in between those events almost destroyed Nabal and all his property because of some bread.

Oh, David.

Incidentally, from what we know, David’s father Jesse seemed to ignore him a bit, but that’s not what I want to focus on right now. It probably didn’t help though.

I don’t know if you’ve got a challenging child, but I’m assuming that none of your children has organised a coup and tried to kill you so that you have to flee for your life. That’s what happened with Absalom. (This was after he murdered his brother for raping his sister. Once again, they make our family dynamics seem positively idyllic.)

David’s life is a bit of an epic narrative but long story short, we end up with a war between Team David and Team Absalom. But when it comes to the crunch, David doesn’t want Absalom to be killed. His men fight bravely for David and for the LORD, but all David seems to care about is Absalom: ‘Is the young man Absalom safe?’ (2 Samuel 18:29;32)

I guess we can sympathise here, but the problem is that Absalom is trying to kill God’s anointed king. Back in 1 Samuel, when King Saul was hounding David, David refused to harm God’s king. As he said himself, “But the Lord forbid that I should lay a hand on the Lord’s anointed.” (1 Samuel 26:11)

But now that David is King, he’s too soft with his own son. He’s lost sight of what’s really important – God’s promises; God’s people; God’s glory – and is focused on one thing: his treacherous son’s safety.

As controversial as it might be to say it: this is child-led parenting at its worst.

This is the very definition of an extreme example. But this kind of parenting is growing in popularity and although it appears kind, gentle and patient it is actually really bad news. If David’s men had followed his orders then Absalom could have ended up in charge of God’s people.

As David should have known, the trouble with putting your child in charge is that it’s not God’s design. Despite our weakness and our faults, God has put us in charge, so we need to honour God’s authority by teaching our children to honour ours.

The world doesn’t acknowledge God’s authority, and so the world is happy to tell us to take the lead from our children. But let David and Absalom be our cautionary tale. I don’t want to end up with a coup in my home.

There’s now a generation of young adults who, in general terms, have been over-indulged and raised to think that they’re in charge. Discipleship will be hard for them because it starts with learning that God is actually the boss, not them. But in the gospel there is hope for them, just as there was hope for David, and Jonah (the spoilt brat), and the apostle Paul (the over-achiever).

As Paul wrote, we have an anointed King who reigns forever and if we keep him at the centre of our families, it will keep the coups at bay:

15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 And he is the head of the body, the church;he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. (Colossians 1)

I will be rounding off this series with a Good Dad. I wonder if you can guess who it is. Tune in next week. If you’re enjoying this series, please share it with your friends. My blog is thus far a very well-kept secret.

Dads Behaving Badly – Eli

This Summer I’m doing a series called ‘Dads Behaving Badly.’ You can read the intro here. We’re learning about our good Heavenly Father through the not-good fathers we find in the Bible.

Today’s Dad is Eli. (One of the top comedy deaths in the Bible, surely.) Eli’s sons worked in the temple but were dirty rotten scoundrels. When Eli found out about their shenanigans, he did try to rebuke them but they didn’t listen.

It doesn’t specifically say this in the text but I do feel like Eli failed to discipline his sons when they were young. Why do they behave so terribly? Why don’t they fear God? Why don’t they listen to their father’s rebuke? Eli was happy to let them steal the fat from the sacrifices and feed it to him:

29 Why do you scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my dwelling? Why do you honour your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel?’ 1 Samuel 2.

As a priest, Eli was in a position of huge responsibility, but he was a hypocrite. He didn’t respect God and he passed on that example to his irreverent sons.

Eli has set them a bad example, and as a result this very fat man (whose girth is mentioned repeatedly) dies a very sad and silly death:

18 When he mentioned the ark of God, Eli fell backward off his chair by the side of the gate. His neck was broken and he died, for he was an old man, and he was heavy. He had led Israel forty years. 1 Samuel 4.

God the Father is not like Eli. God disciplines the ones he loves. He puts his own glory first, and that’s what’s best for us. As parents, we know it’s hard to discipline our kids. The easiest thing would be not to bother. But out of love, we do it. And God disciplines us, too. How we need it!

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not resent his rebuke,
12 because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
    as a father the son he delights in. Proverbs 3

If you feel convicted by this story that you haven’t disciplined your own children, then fear not: you can start today. Our kind and gracious Father is ready to help us.

Nobody enjoys discipline, including the parent having to dish it out. But it’s part of loving our children, and it’s part of God’s love for us, too: “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11)

Righteousness and peace.

For those who have reached adulthood and realise they were never truly disciplined, there is grace and healing and love from our Father in Heaven. His Spirit is at work in us. He never stops sanctifying us. He who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6).

Tune in next week for another Dad Behaving Badly! You can subscribe to my blog by clicking on something… I think it might be a button that says ‘Follow.’

Dads Behaving Badly – Jacob

We’re in a summer series called ‘Dads Behaving Badly.’ You can read the first post here.

I hope it will encourage you that God is the perfect Father, that nobody is beyond his reach, and that he can turn any lost boy into a good father. I hope we can see together that even when a good father or husband is nowhere to be seen, we can look to God, our perfect Heavenly Father, and know that he is more than all-sufficient.

Our next example is Abraham’s grandson, Jacob (aka Israel). Did he respect women? He married two sisters so even by today’s standards that’s a poor start. Then he picked his favourites – Rachel’s boys. Unsurprisingly this led to a whole lot of resentment, not to mention attempted murder and the selling of Joseph into slavery:

3 Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made an ornate robe for him.4 When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him. Genesis 37.

If things are getting trying in your home this summer, you might feel that nobody is saying a kind word. But hopefully things have not gotten quite this bad! Jacob’s favouritism has caused rifts which will take decades to heal, and even then only with the Lord’s intervention.

This is what God is not like as a Father. God does not show favouritism. We’re told that repeatedly in the New Testament, often in the context of Gentiles being saved along with Jews. He also tells us not to favour the rich over the poor. In Galatians 2 we see that God does not favour those of higher status.

God values everyone equally, so if you’ve ever been the less-favoured child or employee or member of your church, you should know that God does not operate like that. He keeps you as the apple of his eye and hides you in the shadow of his wings. (Psalm 17:8).

What good news this is to the child whose earthly father has favoured someone or something else over his children. Maybe you’ll get to show that wonderful truth to a child, or adult, soon. I hope so.

Tune in next time for another Dad Behaving Badly! You can subscribe to my blog by clicking on something… I think it might be a button that says ‘Follow.’

Summer Series – Dads Behaving Badly

When I was teaching in East London, we noticed that there was a big problem with many of the boys from single-parent families who didn’t respect the female members of staff. Not always and not all of them, but it was a noticeable trend.

I thought it seemed counter-intuitive. I thought that if you were raised by a strong and capable woman then that would lead you to respect women more. Now that I’ve lived on a council estate for 14 years and work in a boys’ school, I have a clearer sense of the cycle of problems often caused by absent fathers. (Council estates don’t have the monopoly on single mums, but single mums are often prioritised for social housing and so we do see a large number of people with absent fathers in our area.)

We all learn by example, so if fathers and father-figures are missing then it’s harder for boys to learn to respect women because they haven’t seen it modelled to them. Absent fathers can leave daughters vulnerable and sons not knowing how to be men. This does not have to be true, but it’s my view that boys with a present, protective father are much more likely to know how to treat women well.

(This is one irony of feminism and “women’s lib” by the way, but that’s a topic for a different blog post.)

What can be done? We can’t make men be good dads. What hope is there in the gospel for the fatherless?

As always, the gospel provides surprising and miraculous hope.

With this in mind, I’ve been thinking about dads in the Bible and what they teach us about God. There are some great fathers, and great moments of fatherhood in the Bible. There are also some really bad examples of how to be a dad, and these also teach us (by way of contrast) about God’s character.

These men show us how gracious God is. They show us that God can take any family, no matter how messy, sinful, dysfunctional, idolatrous, murderous, lazy, dishonest or proud and can save them and bring them into his people.

And so let me introduce you to a Summer Series: Dads Behaving Badly. I hope it will encourage you that God is the perfect Father, that nobody is beyond his reach, and that he can turn any lost boy into a good father. I hope we can see together that even when a good father or husband is nowhere to be seen, we can look to God, our perfect Heavenly Father, and know that he is more than all-sufficient.

I should start with Father Abraham.

I don’t mean any disrespect to Abraham, the great patriarch, but he did have his moments. Today I’m thinking of the way he treated his firstborn, Ishmael. That was a disaster from pre-conception, but since Ishmael was his son, he should have been a good father to him.

Before Ishmael was born, Abraham neglected Hagar and let Sarah turf her out:

6 “Your slave is in your hands,” Abram said. “Do with her whatever you think best.” Then Sarai mistreated Hagar; so she fled from her. (Genesis 16)

Here Abraham shirks his responsibility completely. Hagar must have felt utterly rejected and desperate, but God sent an angel of the Lord to her to reassure her:

13 She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” (Genesis 16)

When nobody else saw Hagar, the Lord saw her.

The Lord’s eyes are on the vulnerable. If you’ve ever learnt anything about vulnerable children, it’s those who are neglected and left to their own devices who are most likely to be preyed upon by gangs or dealers or terrorists. Nobody else sees them. But the Lord sees them.

We have a similar episode later on, in Chapter 21. The illegitimate son has been sent into the desert again. His mother puts him under a bush to die. They’re completely destitute and unwanted.

17 God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. 18 Lift the boy up and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation.”

When Abraham didn’t, or couldn’t, be a father to Ishmael, God was there. He provided for Ishmael’s needs. He heard Hagar and her son, when nobody else did.

This is such good news for people who have neither been seen nor heard. In the gospel we meet the God who sees, the God who hears and the God who provides.

This world is broken, full of sinners. But we can all be made whole by the God who was with Hagar in the desert.

Tune in next time for another Dad Behaving Badly! You can subscribe to my blog by clicking on something… I think it might be a button that says ‘Follow.’

Book Review – Raising Confident Kids in a Confusing World

Hi there, I’ve written a review – or more of an exhortation – over at the Delight Podcast blog about Ed Drew’s new parenting book. A less mature person might call it a Book Reddrew but I’m a teacher, I have standards.

I wanted to tell you the story of how I first met Ed Drew, but it could be misinterpreted so I didn’t want to inadvertently slander him. However, I will tell you that I last saw him at the Choir!Choir!Choir! 80s night at the Clapham Grand in which we learnt a four part harmony to Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’. This isn’t relevant to anything really, I’m just glad I got to tell you about it. Please read the review, and more importantly the book. And, you know, don’t stop believing [in Jesus].

Remembering Tim Keller, 1950-2023

Today Timothy Keller went home to glory, to be with his Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. I’m sad for us here still in this world – as we’ve lost a good man and a faithful and gifted preacher and writer – and of course I’m mostly sad for his family.

I’m certainly not an expert on Tim Keller but I have read several of his books, all of which I would recommend. Ten years ago Mike and I visited his church and heard him preach a sermon on Acts 8 – all about how it’s good to preach the gospel in the city. (The only other time I heard him preach it was also Acts 8, but a different section!) Incidentally he had a way of preaching to a crowd as if it was just a one-to-one chat. Watch him on Youtube and you’ll find him leaning on the lectern as if it’s a 6 person seminar.

I’m grateful to God for giving Tim a heart for city mission. Time and again we’ve been blessed, reassured and strengthened listening to his talk entitled, ‘It takes a city to raise a child.’ I trust that, without Keller’s influence, we’d still be living here doing this, but I’m sure that the Lord used him to give us courage and a passion for the city.

Over the years I’ve recommended Keller books to you many times. I’ve quoted him, reviewed him, and implored you to read him. If you’re not a believer, I beg you to read ‘The Prodigal God‘ or ‘King’s Cross‘ or anything else by him! Listen to it on audio if you don’t like reading! I’ve definitely referred to ‘Counterfeit Gods‘ after that one blew my mind and his book on prayer filled me with joy at the privilege we have of praying to the God of the universe. Here’s a quote from it:

Prayer is the only entryway into genuine self-knowledge. It is also the main way we experience deep change – the reordering of our loves. Prayer is how God gives us so many of the unimaginable things he has for us. Indeed, prayer makes it safe for God to give us many of the things we most desire. It is the way we know God, the way we finally treat God as God. Prayer is simply the key to everything we need to do and be in life.
We must learn to pray. We have to. ‘Prayer‘ p. 18.

Here was an extraordinarily gifted man. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve encouraged a preacher on a sermon point or illustration, only to be told that it was ‘stolen from Keller.’ And more importantly, here was a good man. I never met him personally but people I trust did know him and said he was kind and good.

He remained humble in talking to unbelievers and believers alike. He lived his life in the service of his Lord and the gospel. My unbelieving cousin who works for his book distributer told me he’d only ever heard good things about him. What a witness. He was a good man and a good leader. How this world needs those.

“Sovereign Lord, giver of gifts, I thank you for all you’ve given your people through your child Tim Keller. I thank you for his life faithfully lived, and how it’s a life that points us to the Lord Jesus, our perfect leader and ultimate servant. We pray for his family today and in the coming weeks, that you would comfort them with your love and with the hope of the resurrection. In Christ’s name, Amen.”

As for me, I’m looking forward to catching up with Tim at the feast in the New City. I expect there’ll be a queue, but we’ll have all the time in the world.

In ‘King’s Cross,’ Tim wrote about a time when he was going into surgery to treat his thyroid cancer. He said that what came to mind as he was going in was a passage from Lord of the Rings: ‘Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty forever beyond its reach.’ Keller continued:

‘I remember thinking at that moment: It’s really true. Because of Jesus’s death evil is a passing thing – a shadow. There is light and high beauty forever beyond its reach because evil fell into the heart of Jesus. The only darkness that could have destroyed us forever fell into his heart. It didn’t matter what happened in my surgery – it was going to be all right. And it is going to be all right.’ King’s Cross, p. 211.

To this I will appeal

I’ve been thinking lately about how the Psalms can help us to know what to pray. This is something people always say but I’ve usually found quite difficult. Recently I visited a friend, Penny, who has been amazing at sharing psalms with me that really speak into my situation. Today I’d like to tell you about one such psalm.

Sometimes we go through seasons of real struggle, where we’re praying for relief and it doesn’t come. We know the Lord is sovereign, so we wonder why he’s not answering our cries.

At times like this, we might be kept awake at night, knowing that the One who “grants sleep to those he loves” (Ps 127:2) could easily drift us off into a peaceful slumber. We might use this time to pray, but no comfort comes. Then it’s morning again, and nothing is better.

During these seasons we might remember how things were six months ago or six years ago. How we used to laugh, how carefree we were, what exciting plans we had made. We try to pray, but only tears come. I try to recite Scripture, and the words get stuck in my throat.

Is something wrong with me? Am I a proper Christian?

This is the experience of Asaph the psalmist, as described in Psalm 77. And since it’s there in God’s word, I know that God our Father is not surprised by this. Not only does he care, but he’s equipped us with the words to say when no words will come.

He speaks the unspeakable for me.

There are those who will tell you that at times like this, God will send you a sign. He will give you a lightbulb moment, a Road-to-Damascus or an Isaiah 6-facedown-in-the-temple experience. You will see the Lord, and all will become clear.

But sometimes that isn’t what happens. In fact, I don’t think we should expect that to be the normal Christian experience.

So what should I do, when it seems that God has “forgotten to be merciful”? (Psalm 77, v9)

I can tell you what Asaph did. Asaph used his brain, and he used what he already knew about God:

Then I thought, ‘To this I will appeal:

… I will remember the deeds of the LORD;

yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

Psalm 77:10a;11.

He decided to remind himself what God is like, based on what God had done for his people in the past.

For Asaph, the most amazing example of this was the miraculous parting of the Red Sea: God’s means of rescuing his people from slavery in Egypt.

For us, that is surely the crucifixion and resurrection of the Messiah, the Son of God: God’s means of rescuing his people from slavery to sin.

Does God love me? Yes. He did not withhold from me his one and only Son.
(Romans 8:32)

Is God powerful to do miracles? Yes. He raised Christ from the dead.
(Ephesians 1:18-20)

When the happy feelings aren’t coming, when sleep evades you and when prayers seem unheard, let’s appeal to this: Christ is Risen indeed. Hallelujah!

Now the daylight flees, now the ground beneath
quakes as its Maker bows his head.
Curtain torn in two, dead are raised to life;
‘Finished!’ the victory cry.

…Oh, to see my name written in the wounds,
for through your suffering I am free.
Death is crushed to death, life is mine to live,
won through your selfless love.

This, the power of the cross:
Son of God – slain for us.
What a love! What a cost!
We stand forgiven at the cross.

(Keith Getty; Stuart Townend)

Learning to Lament

I wrote yesterday about my recent journey of discovery regarding my own wisdom and God’s wisdom. (The upshot: God is infinitely wise; I’m not.)

A month ago I was diagnosed with a rare, chronic endocrine disorder called Addison’s Disease. If you’re the type of person who worries that they have an illness, let me tell you that the chances of you having it are infinitesimally small. (Seriously, if you’re somebody who a) reads my blog and b) knows they have Addison’s, please comment below. And perhaps buy a lottery ticket (joke).)

This is a chronic condition that is treatable but not curable. I’ll most likely have it until (whoop whoop) I get my new body from the Lord Jesus.

Let me tell you that these past few weeks have not been a time of serenely delving into God’s word and floating on a cloud of the peace which transcends understanding. I hope I can encourage you today, but from the perspective of someone who’s weak and broken in the storm rather than someone sleeping on a cushion.

When shocking news comes, most people go through a range of emotions. I’ve been through a few and haven’t finished. There was a day when I cried a lot. I prayed and I didn’t feel like praying, I listened to music, I talked to family members. I was grief-stricken. I was grieving the loss of my health.

I’m so grateful, and I was even on that teary day, that we’re allowed to be sad. Here are some things you sometimes hear, which don’t help at all:

  • Life is hard and we should expect things like this

I know we live in a fallen and broken world, full of disease and death. But I also know that God made us for life, not death, and our hearts long for the world without any of this. (See for example Romans 8:22-25)

  • I’m strong

I’m weak. There’s nothing quite like an illness to drive this home. But in my weakness, the Lord is my strength. (See for example 2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

  • Things could be worse: I should just be grateful for the care I’m given

I am grateful for good care. Chatting to a friend from Côte d’Ivoire, I was reminded that I don’t need to choose between food and medicine. But I’m also grateful that God doesn’t compare me to others, and I’m allowed to be sad about the dependence on medicine whilst also giving thanks for his provision.

  • It’s not a big deal

It feels big to me. The Lord doesn’t weigh up my problem and decide whether to meet us in it or not. (Remember when God made Elisha’s mate’s axe head float?) He knows our hearts. He’s patient with me, guiding me through. The more we depend on him, the more we honour him. (See for example Psalm 23; Psalm 131)

(Aside: Sometimes we don’t feel able to read our Bibles. That’s when we need our friends to preach to us. I hope you’ve got friends like that. I’ve also found that using a Bible app that reads the Word out to me can help me when I don’t have the energy to lift my head.)

So it’s not wrong to be sad about things. But if I had no hope, I’m not sure I’d dare to lament.

As a Christian, with the hope of eternal life, I see in the psalms that lamenting is a process which doesn’t last forever. In order to reach the level ground of acceptance or the dizzy heights of heartfelt, joyful thanksgiving, I need to pass through the valley of lament.

A dear friend preached Psalm 13 to me the week I was diagnosed. She showed me that the Lord has gone before me. He knows that at times I will feel that he has hidden his face from me. I will wrestle with my thought as my mind races with fears and anxiety and my heart is filled with sorrow. But because I bring all of that to him, I can say with David:

But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me. (v5-6)

Who Knows?

Who knows the first line of Wordsworth’s ‘Daffodils’?

“I wandered lonely as a cloud.” (Even if you didn’t know that, if you mention Wordsworth or daffodils in a group of people, someone will say it.)

Who knows the second line?

Not so many people.*

This makes sense, of course. Some lines are memorable and we can’t know everything. I was reminded of this today when reading Psalm 139. There are some pretty famous bits in that one, and without conducting any research I’d have thought the most famous bit is this:

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well. (v13-14)

I for one am glad these verses are in our Bible. So clear for those who think the unborn child has no value. So helpful for those desperate to measure up to a false standard of ‘perfection’ that they see on their phones every day.

Do you know the next bit? I actually do because we put it in our Order of Service 17 years ago when we got married. But today I was struck by the verse after that: the verse after the bit that I know really well:

My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them! v15-17

This verse (17) jumped out at me today. In light of the fact that God made me, cell by cell, and knows the end from the beginning, my heart should praise God for his thoughts and his wisdom – his unfathomable wisdom, which I can never, never ever get my head around.

It reminded me of another passage in Isaiah 55:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.” v8-9

In other words, I could say to myself: Hey you, God’s wisdom is infinitely greater than yours. You think you know what should be happening right now. But you don’t. So here’s what to do:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Maybe this is what you need to remember today, too. Maybe you’ve been asking, seeking, knocking and not seeing the answers you’d hoped for. Maybe you’re sick or your to-do list has been interrupted. Maybe your dishwasher is broken and it’s a luxury you’ve come to rely on. Maybe you missed an appointment. Maybe something you’d been hoping and praying for looked really promising and then fell through. Maybe you feel you’re the one who’s let everyone down.

Just between you and me, that’s what my week’s been like. So I’m really grateful today that the Lord has answered my cries for help with a reminder that he is the one with the wisdom. I’m the one who needs to trust him. I’ve been getting that the wrong way round.

More from me tomorrow. I know! Nothing for months and then a windfall.

*I’m pretty sure it’s ‘That floats on high o’er vales and hills.’ But I did study English at university so I don’t really count.