Mum in Zone One

Happy New Year from the Brookses!

We at our church kicked off the year with a sermon on the sovereignty of God.
It was one of those talks you need to hear about once a week for the rest of your life. I know God is in charge – in fact I’d just been thanking him for that earlier in the day – but then again, I forget. I know he’s in charge of some things, especially important things. But is he in charge of little details in my day? And is he in charge of random events and so-called chance encounters and long days of watching the clock and then wondering where the time went?
Yes, he’s in charge of that too.

The lot is cast into the lap,
but its every decision is from the Lord. Proverbs 16:33.

When the day stretches out ahead of me and there’s no structure to pin it to, I feel like I’m floating along and not making any mark whatsoever. I could roll a dice and let it decide what I should do today – it’s totally unnerving. When I worked as a teacher, I would get home at the end of the day and feel I’d achieved something. It wasn’t always particularly true, but the fact I’d ‘been to work’ was usually enough. But being at home with little ones isn’t like that, and it’s quite an adjustment! Four years on, I’m still coming to terms with it.

Sometimes, much of what we do seems a bit pointless (if not counterproductive). Examples of things mums or dads end up doing which don’t always seem to have much of a noble purpose:

• You decide to go to the playground to cheer everyone up a bit, but then one child injurs herself and another wets himself and of course you forgot to bring spare trousers and snacks.
• You watch your toddler go up and down the stairs one hundred and seventeen times.
• You mop the hall floor, but nobody will ever know because by 6pm it will look exactly the same as it did before.
• You go to that toddler group but nobody talks to you and your child doesn’t want to play.
• You spend an hour cooking something tasty and nutritious for your baby, who promptly throws it on the floor and wails until you fill him with rice cakes.
• You’ve spent months developing a friendship with the mum who didn’t mention she is moving to Devon tomorrow.
• You take your toddlers to see a dinosaur exhibition, and they have nightmares for the next three months.

You might read this and think, “Of course those are great things to do! Your child is developing! You’re showing them you love them!” etc. However, is it just me or at the time does it not really feel like that most days?

Sometimes things seem to fall into place – I bump into people I’ve been wanting to see, or my child really grasps something I’ve been teaching him, or my husband actually says, ‘the flat looks lovely’ (it’s not his fault – it usually doesn’t). And then I can believe that God is sovereignly working for my good. But what I need to remember is that he’s in charge of the things that seem pointless, which of course means that they’re not pointless at all, because in all things God works for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). If you believe and trust in the Lord Jesus, then each day God is making you more like Christ, because that’s what you were made for.

So if you’re looking at January and thinking – “I have no plans, just the same old same old. School run. Change nappies. Try to make friends at the park. Treat myself to a coffee? Try to read that book. Go to the library if I can face it…” Then that’s OK, because, wonderfully,  God’s 2015 calendar is full of plans for you:

… all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be. Ps 139:16

A lovely Kurdish friend of mine asked me a question today about our children’s Christmas performance, ‘Is it about Christmas, or is it religious?’

I think she put her finger on something, don’t you? Christmas has become (posh word alert) dichotomised: there’s the secular wintertide festival, and the ‘religious’ Christian celebration of Jesus’ birth. Sometimes there’s some overlap, although to be honest sometimes I’d rather keep them separate. Do we want reindeer in the stable, or shepherds in Santa’s grotto? Doesn’t that just confuse everyone?

Lots of Christians get upset about this. And actually, a lot of ‘church-goers’ or morally upstanding citizens (and apparently The Daily Mail) get upset about it too. And I agree with some of what they say. Santa does rob Jesus of his glory at Christmas, and that is bad. But when my friends who aren’t Christians don’t celebrate Jesus at Christmas, that doesn’t actually surprise me.

They’re not Christians, so why would they?

Would it be better if they pretended to celebrate Christ? No I think that’s called hypocrisy. And the last thing I want is for them to think that by going to a Nativity play once a year, they’re somehow ‘in the club.’

Being a Christian means a lot more than knowing the words to ‘Hark the Herald’ (my personal fave). And we all know that the rest of the year, don’t we? So why at Christmas to people get so upset that the crowds are queuing in Toys R Us instead of All Souls Langham Place (that’s a church, by the way)? It’s sad, absolutely, but only because I know that Jesus is better than a toy penguin (please see last week’s musings).

On 1^st December, the picture in my 3-year-old son’s advent calendar was an angel.
Mummy: ‘Yes because angels visited the shepherds, and they said… (trying to remember)’
Ezra: ‘Glory to God in the highest.’

I’m not telling you that so that you think I’m marvellous, but rather to point you in the directon of Seeds Family Worship, who I have to thank for Ezra’s knowledge of Luke Chapter 2. Seeds Family Worship are the bee’s knees – they make memory verse songs that grown-ups (yes!) and children enjoy. After you’ve read this, go to this page and listen to ‘Joy’, a beautiful Christmas song. Here are the words:

And there were shepherds living out in the fields near by, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.’
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
‘Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favour rests.’  (Luke 2, 8-14 – underlining mine)

And that’s the truly wonderful thing about the birth of Jesus – it’s good news of great joy.

I’ve got another Tim Keller quote for you. Reflecting on Jesus’ words in Mark 1, ‘Repent and believe the good news!’ he writes:

‘Right there you can see the difference between Christianity and all other religions, including no religion. The essence of other religions is advice; Christianity is essentially news… the gospel says, “This is what has been done in history. This is how Jesus lived and died to earn the way to God for you.” Christianity is completely different. It’s joyful news.’ (King’s Cross, p. 15.)

So at Christmas, are we good news in our communities? Do people see us rejoicing, and trying to tell them the good news of great joy that is for all people: rich clever people, poor smelly people (no offence, I was thinking of the shepherds), inn keepers and single mums and drunkards? Or do they just hear us complaining that the shops shouldn’t be open on Boxing Day?

Let’s show them that Christianity is different. It’s not advice; it’s good news for all people. Let’s stop judging and ranting and instead celebrate, and generously share this fantastic news with our friends and family.

I wrote this piece for a writing competition a few months ago, and since I didn’t win I thought I’d share it here.  I wrote it in a hurry (I missed the deadline) and the word count was very limiting, but I hope it makes you smile.  This is based on a friend’s experience, but it could eeeeasily have been my own.  I thank her for letting me share it.

Dear former self,

The next time you see a sight you disapprove of, for example a mother in an otherwise civilised coffee shop with two naked and screaming children, consider this:

This mother may have had a horrendous morning with her two-year-old. A tantrum at home, screaming in the buggy around the shops, rounded off with a tantrum in the aisle of a supermarket, for example. At this stage, the mother was feeling unusually exhausted (she hasn’t had a night of unbroken sleep in 6 months) and guilty – perhaps this is all her fault? (Don’t underestimate the irrational doubts of a sleep-deprived, hormonal mother.)

So, in one of her finer moments, this mother perhaps decided to take a deep breath and cheer the family up. She marched into a cafe and ordered her usual cappuccino (extra shot), and a gingerbread man for her daughter. Feeling much calmer – it’s a fresh start! – she reached down to pick up her baby, seeing something familiar but unexpected. Poo, it seems, was everywhere. Her heart dropped. But she’d been through this before; she could cope with this. Off she went to the baby changing room, hungry two-year-old in tow.

Upon her return, maybe (I’m just speculating), she was touched to find that the kind barista had made her a fresh cup of hot coffee. So she found a table, avoiding glances/glares from other diners who seemed concerned that their peace was about to be disturbed.

She was now holding her baby, but the toddler was struggling with her gingerbread man packet. In an attempt to stem any whining, the mother did something that she knows she shouldn’t do. She put the baby down on the table while she hurriedly opened the packet. It took her three seconds – just long enough for the baby to grab the freshly brewed, steaming hot cappuccino (extra shot). Cue a tidal wave of coffee, covering both toddler and baby in the blink of a bloodshot eye. Before the mother could know what had happened, both of her children were emitting an ear-splitting screech. The mother, in a panic, did the only sensible thing: she stripped both children naked.

It could be that this is what’s happened. So, past-naïve or future-forgetful self, please don’t stare judgmentally. Please do not offer suggestions as to why either child may be crying; do not explain why what the mother did was wrong. Just say these words, ‘How can I help?’ and do something helpful. It might be to go and get that mother a chocolate brownie and a fresh cappuccino – two extra shots please, to take away.

I am really delighted to give you this post from a guest blogger, Rachel.  I’d love to tell you all about her, but I’d end up gushing and she wouldn’t like that.  So just a brief intro: Rachel is married to a pastor and they planted a church in Central London about four years ago.  They have four children, aged 6yrs, 5yrs, 3yrs and 8 months.  When she talks, I listen, so if I were you I’d read this and take note!  Thank you Rachel!

I was on the way to school recently when my eldest daughter realised she had left something at home. She had wanted to take it in to show the class. I explained that we couldn’t go back or we’d be late. I could bring it in when I picked her up later, ready for tomorrow. She wasn’t satisfied. Her frustration grew and she became more and more upset. At the same time my calm, controlled voice gradually became more and more frustrated. I started to snap remarks like: ‘There’s nothing I can do, so there’s no point crying about it,’ and ‘I can’t change what has happened, we need to move on.’

About half an hour later, on my way back from school, I found myself dwelling on something that had happened at the school gate. I’d had a conversation I was frustrated about, I wished I had said something different. I was going over and over it in my mind, thinking about what I should have said and how I wished I could turn back time. And then I realised. I was doing exactly what my daughter had been doing earlier. I wasn’t crying and sticking out my bottom lip, but I was letting the situation take over my thoughts and control my emotions. And in my mind, I was asking for the impossible. To turn back time.

That situation has highlighted something for me. I’ve realised that recently I have often been frustrated about the relatively small practicalities of my day – whether I have made the right decisions and how plans have worked out. It might be regret over how a conversation went. Or it might be that I question how I decided to spend the morning with my children and whether it was the best thing to do. Did I make the right call in going to that playgroup, or should I have had a quiet morning at home, perhaps even attempted some housework. I might try to meet up with a friend and it doesn’t work out, so then I rebuke myself that I should have just tried to see someone else all along.

There’s no doubt that there is a place for good planning, and that we can learn from our mistakes. There is of course a place for prayerful reflection on our use of time. But I know that for me, once decisions have been made and the day is underway, there can be unhelpful thoughts that just niggle in my mind all day as I replay situations. I can feel like I’ve just made a series of bad decisions. It also means I often miss out on actually making the most of the situation I’m in. I’m basically just dwelling on the past.

Thankfully all of this thinking (!) has also taken me outside of my own thoughts and there are a couple of things I have been trying to remember (which are basically the same thing). There is one Bible verse that has been particularly helpful:

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

Firstly, God is in control. This is a simple truth that I know in my head, but clearly it doesn’t always affect how I view what has happened to me in my day. But I need to remember that from the moment I wake up God knows what is going to happen. He knows the way I’m going to walk and who I’m going to meet and what they want to talk about. He knows how a well-planned family activity is going to turn out. He knows who is going to stick to an arrangement to meet up or who is going to be in when I knock or call.

Secondly, I’m not in control. When it feels like my plan for the day has gone wrong, it just reveals that I’m clearly not in control. It should humble me. God has a plan and this is it. He has established my steps. Just like my daughter couldn’t go home and get her foam flowers, I can’t go back and change the past, this is where God wants me to be. Move on! I need to have confidence in God’s plan, not my own.

What does all this mean for my day?

I’ve found it’s helped me to enjoy the day more! I’ve been trying to specifically commit the day to God and express to Him in prayer that I know he is in control. This has helped me to then naturally go on and ask him to use my day for his glory, and specifically to use me the way he wants, in the situations he has planned.

It helps when things go ‘wrong’ as the truth that God is in control is already on my mind. When I start to get frustrated by the way things are turning out, I try to turn my niggling thoughts into prayer, and this quickly brings me back to the simple truth again.

As I’ve prayed these prayers more often I’ve seen more answers (funny that)! I’ve ‘bumped’ into people I have wanted to see for ages. I’ve enjoyed reading a book with my son at home when I was supposed to be meeting a friend that morning who didn’t show.

As I’ve thought through this one little area of my everyday life, I’ve been reminded again that when I turn my thoughts away from myself and onto God, he humbles me and gives me many reasons to thank Him.

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Thanks for reading, I hope you’ve found encouragement on these here pages over the past year.  With love in Christ, Catherine.